My Issues

• refusal to admit to other people that I’m struggling or doing poorly mentally.
• refusal to communicate my struggles because of insecurities and fear of being a burden.
• refusal to accept help or listen to advice of others.
• pushing myself too much and putting myself in situations that I will struggle in because I’m afraid stepping back and doing less will mean I’m deficient and thus less than those I admire and thus letting those people down and confirming my deep insecurities that i am not good enough and am fundamentally less than everyone else.
• refusal to admit I’m pushing myself because that will mean I can’t handle what other people handle with ease, which means that I’m deficient and less than, etc etc. 
• denial of the fact that pushing myself and refusing to admit I’m pushing myself will hurt people I love and care about
• pushing myself because I hate myself, a belief I deserve to suffer because of my differences and perceived deficiencies.
• pushing myself because I wish to die, because I hoped (hope?) that pushing myself so far will push me to suicide or any death and then I will no longer have to face people’s disappointments and expectations and concern.
• self-destruction as selfishness -> hurts loved ones -> leads to guilt.
• self-awareness without action, communication without action.
• all of nothing mindset.
• lack of accountability/responsibilty for my health.
• dependence on others to take care of me and provide me accommodations (I need to learn to recognize when I'm struggling and step out, communicate my needs and ask for accommodations).
• Talking without action, acknowledgment without change.