Here's my conundrum: I don't know if I can go back to Grayson in a way that is good for me and useful to everyone else without having substantially changed myself and having recovered from autistic burnout.
I think I'm stronger than even I know, so I am going to try to slightly push myself into reintegration, simply because avoidance is unhealthy and so is fear of humanity/society. I just need to take this self-administered exposure therapy slow and steady. Extreme distress is a warning sign telling me I'm not ready for that level of reintegration yet. A little distress is good for me to practice distress tolerance, especially since it's one of my weak points.
I'm going to need help with this journey. I'm going to need help from people besides my therapist, psychiatrist, and my family. Honestly, as much as I don't want to drag them into this, I might need to ask for help from Linder and John and probably even the new president (whoever that will be). I'm going to ask for help. I'm going to have to be vulnerable and honest and present and real. So basically, face another fear. Oh, recovery is difficult…