I don’t know why all this energy must be directed to self-destruction. I know I need to find a healthy way to channel it, but I don’t actually know how. I want to scream and die and blow up the world. I want something, anything, to get this overwhelming raging spirit outside of myself.
Is this mania? I was depressed barely two hours ago. Does mania include mood swings? I’ve always just sat with this spirit until it went away, or became so strong that I did something drastic. I just want to scream until I sob. If I die, will that make me survive?
Give me answers. Tell me why. I don’t want to have to be like this all my life.
At least I know: this feeling would be so much worse if I were still in school.